"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit)
10/28/2015 at 01:38 • Filed to: None
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"No, I don't thank you for the fish at all" (notindetroit)
10/28/2015 at 01:38 • Filed to: None | 1
| 11 |
This has been something that’s been seriously eating away at me ever since I found out about it several months ago. I know when I talk about women’s issues sometimes I don’t come off as the most intelligent person, so. But. There is a young woman I know of, younger than me, and she’s helped me with a few things here and there and I guess it’s ok for me to just flat out admit that I like her, but I don’t want to say anything specific about her for reasons that will probably become obvious immediately. The thing is, she was raped, and seeing her cope with it (extremely poorly) and basically watching it kill her from the inside and turn her into a shell of what she used to be makes me want to repeatedly punch a concrete wall. I can’t even think of what kind of person she’s turned into without, well, wanting to punch a wall. She went from having a lot of enthusiasm for her job to basically effectively being fired from it, and I think the rape has a lot to do with it.
I once dated a girl who had survived being raped too, and she also dealt with it extremely poorly, turning into an alcoholic. In fact this other girl and I ended up bonding over my breakup with my ex, ironically I guess. I’m not expecting anybody from Oppo to help me, I’m pretty sure there isn’t anything that can help her, I just wanted to vent.
Wheelerguy
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/28/2015 at 01:43 |
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Rape. Why hasn’t this become a mortal sin?
Berang
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/28/2015 at 01:45 |
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Trust is hard to gain, and easy to lose. Especially if you’ve had a bad experience early on. People who’ve had a lot of good experiences before they’ve had a bad one tend to spring back faster. But people who’ve been hurt before they’ve had good experiences may never open up again. I’m not sure what else to say.
TheHondaBro
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/28/2015 at 01:50 |
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I honestly wish I knew what to say that would help you out with your situation. You seem like a terrific guy and I want to help you as much as I can, but I just don’t know what to give as advice.
What I DO understand is that rape can cause catastrophic psychological trauma, so much so that many rape victims forget the individual that raped them, often claiming an invisible entity had done it.
Sneaky Pete
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/28/2015 at 02:00 |
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It comes across as somewhat callous to say they dealt with it/are dealing with it poorly. I can’t thing of much else that would so completely damage a person emotionally more than rape.
I don’t have any experience with this situation, but I imagine just being there as a friend is the best thing you can do for her.
Svend
> Wheelerguy
10/28/2015 at 02:48 |
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They should be made to get their genitals out and put it on the edge of a table and apologise to the victim over and over again before the victim takes a baseball bat to them and then one of their knees for good measure.
NotUnlessRoundIsFunny
> Berang
10/28/2015 at 03:08 |
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Insightful comment—profound even. Thanks.
Krieger (@FSKrieger22)
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/28/2015 at 03:18 |
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Is she seeing a therapist? It may be helpful for her to see a professional over this. They probably know more about what they are doing than we do.
As to your end, I don’t blame you for feeling powerless to help her. Who wouldn’t? But at the end of the day, there's only so much you can do. You can't magically fix her problems (I know nobody's going to fix mine just like that). What you can do is be there for her if she needs you.
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Krieger (@FSKrieger22)
> Wheelerguy
10/28/2015 at 03:19 |
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Two words: victim blaming.
Supreme Chancellor and Glorious Leader SaveTheIntegras
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/28/2015 at 07:16 |
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I dated a girl who was raped in HS. It turned her into a hermit crab and she totally locked any emotions, feelings, and positive thoughts deep away. The outcome of that really ruined any relationship with her I tried to build. It’s not easy to cope with living through it or trying to build a relationship with someone who has went through it. I wish you luck
SidewaysOnDirt still misses Bowie
> No, I don't thank you for the fish at all
10/28/2015 at 07:18 |
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I know that you’re worried about how she’s handling things, but you do seem to care about her, so just tell her that. If your feeling awkward and not sure how to broach it, just say that and put it out there. In my experience, open honesty is better than trying to coax your way in, and you might be surprised at how many women find kind of awkward professions of care from shy guys who are clearly having trouble finding words adorable ;)
jariten1781
> Wheelerguy
10/28/2015 at 07:37 |
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It was generally a capital crime when virginity and family reproduction were some of the highest valued traits by society. Those traits got shuffled down the priority ladder (by virtue of allowing more liberty and not treating women/reproduction as incredibly valuable property) at the same time the bar for capital crimes got much much higher and here we are.